Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?
Not currently, no. Life has gotten in the way and LDR is a bit hard for both my Dom and me due to our busy schedules. However, I do think that will be changing soon. And no; I need it like I need to write: I need it to feel fulfilled and as happy as possible. Submission is the best gift I can give to a partner, and it makes me feel sexy and powerful and desired.
Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Yes they are. I don't love the idea of either, but spankings intrigue and excite me. More painful and more humiliating things make me more nervous, but I'm not 100% closed to those.
She has always had a love-hate relationship with summer. The season meant freedom from work, but the weather often was too hot to enjoy. When it was really hot and she was too stir crazy to stay inside with the air conditioner, she'd go to the beach.
Today was one of those days. She wore her favorite red bikini. It was by no means the sexiest suit being sold that summer, but it made her feel super sexy. And, if she was being honest, she also wore it because the hot lifeguard had complimented her on it the first time she'd worn it and had made his interest clear the other times she'd worn it by not taking his eyes off her as she swam or sunbathed. When she arrived, she set up her towel and blanket in the open spot near his station. Normally, it was filled and she wondered if he had saved it for her.
She looked up, expecting to see him, but it was a female lifeguard she hadn't seen before. She tried to ignore the twinge of disappointment and started walking toward the water. She was waist-deep when she felt something squeeze her thigh. She turned around and saw the lifeguard standing behind her. He winked. She smiled, but still said, "Don't sneak up on me, you scared me!"
"Sorry," he replied. He didn't sound it at all.
"Are you off duty today?"
"Yes. I'm moving away tomorrow and I wanted to enjoy my last day here on my own time."
"Where are you going?"
"Anyway, just wanted to say I'll miss seeing you. You do look very enticing in that bikini."
He leaned closer. "It's a shame I never got to see what's under it." She felt a sudden need throb between her legs and clenched her thighs tighter together. He didn't seem to notice, and walked away.
She watched his retreating back and decided a swim would help her cool off. She dove under the water and started swimming. She pushed herself farther than usual, but stopped just short of leaving the safe distance from shore. She began to tread water for about. Watching the beach and people. Maybe the next lifeguard would be just as enticing. Or maybe she'd switch to a pool next summer. She was still debating between the two options when she felt something cold and slimy wrap around her thigh and squeeze. She tried to kick it off, but it only tightened around her. It wasn't a playful one like the lifeguard had given her. No, it was possessive and almost hungry.
Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?
Yes. There have been times when I've acquiesced because it was easier when I shouldn't have. But since then, I try to make sure the person and situation deserve my submission before giving it.
Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
I haven't been able to explore any of them yet. Some frighten me (like rape play and choking), but they all excite me.
What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
I want him to be confident, open to learning, stern and gentle when the time calls for either, caring, trustworthy, sexy, commanding, and loving. Above all, I need to know he won't hurt me, will protect me, and take care of me as I submit to him.
Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
Items like sex toys and my journal, and rituals such as "good morning" and "good night" messages help me feel submissive. I've definitely dreamed of being gifted jewelry like bracelets, necklaces, or collars which I know would definitely immediately make me feel submissive.
What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
I would say all of my sexual feelings and pride at following instructions are the most direct emotional connections to my submission. When I'm feeling overwhelmed I also wish I could submit, so I guess that counts, too.
Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
I was definitely resistant when I was younger. I had the idea that submission was weak and my feminist personality hated that. But I now know that one has to be incredibly brave to submit and that it's not anti-feminist in anyway, thereby solving my identity crisis that required me to reject an integral part of myself.
Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
My life doesn't exactly have room for me to feel submissive if I don't have a partner to submit to. That being said, I still feel submissive without a partner, just not as much as I need to, and there's no opportunity to express that need.